Living In Two Worlds

Speaking with confidence, I can finally say that my spiritual awakening is complete. Not that my spiritual growth is complete – that will be a lifetime of learning – but rather the awakening itself has finished.

My awakening has been a decade-long process. Even though I’ve recognized the Truth, and wrote about several facets of it for years now, just like an upward spiral I used to keep winding myself back to old habits and thought processes that are not conducive to living in love and divinity.

You could theorize that my journey began as a child since I was raised Christian and my mom was and is a very spiritual-Christian who embodies love better than most people I know. Or you could say it was the very first time I took psychedelic drugs as a teenager, for that opened me up to the idea of new perceptions and dimensions of reality. But, my real spiritual journey began in 2014 when I was 23 going on 24 years old. That was the year after I broke away from a toxic, physically abusive relationship and embarked on a journey to discover self-love. I created a short, Youtube mini-series called “Learning to Love” and that truly was my first spiritual step, despite years of being taught about God and religion. In 2014, I recognized my lack of self-worth and connection to spirit, and knew it was time for growth. I finally started focusing on energetic matters, which thanks to years of taking hallucinogenic drugs and going to festivals I was completely open to, and in the beginning of 2015, I got the seven chakras tattooed down my spine.

This time period brought major changes to my world, which included building a relationship with the man who would become my husband and moving with him from Virginia to Florida (which we did in the summer of 2015). During those first few years in Florida, while I was progressively growing as an individual, embracing self-love and figuring out emotional-regulation, like learning to control my temper, I somehow stepped away from focusing on spirituality and energy. I got completely caught up in physical matter living. I thought I was taking steps forward, even if I wasn’t factoring energy-awareness into the equation, but I still found myself struggling with depression and the will to live, two dark mental health issues that I’ve battled since I was a teenager.

In 2017, I started a short-lived gratitude journal and began experimenting with meditation. The years of focusing on the physical realm took their toll, and despite the progress I’d made with myself, with my husband, and our new-found paintball community, I was very much lacking in my connection to pure love and the energetic field. I was aware that I had a spirit-self, a soul, that I was more than my physical body, but I wasn’t letting the spirit field guide me yet. It’s like I knew it was the answer, but couldn’t grasp the concept. I wrestled with the things I was learning about myself, or the story that I was telling myself: my lack of empathy, my belief that I was a functioning psychopath, my wanting to care about others but genuinely feeling like I didn’t… all of these and more dark thoughts coursed through me and my journals from that time in my life are not very nice. Not nice at all. From the outside though, you would never know.

When my husband and I got married in 2019 and bought a house, I set myself up a little yoga and meditation space in my art room, determined to bring these practices into my regular routine. Deep inside, I craved something more, and for a few years I was back on target. The summer of 2020, I took my first spiritual course, “Reality Unveiled” by Ziad Masri. He introduced me to the concept that I was not the thinker inside my head. Sure, I knew I was a soul, a spirit and that my body wasn’t my real self, but I’d never thought that the voice inside my head wasn’t me until going through his lessons. I was blown away by the concept of being the “observer,” or the stillness in the background.

I wish I could say that course miraculously changed my relationship with the energetic field, but just like an upward spiral, I circled around to old habits and going back and forth with my spiritual focus. One of my journal entries dated May 13, 2021, nearly four years to the day, is four words long, written just like this: “I. Want. To. Die.” In the beginning of 2022 I was introduced to Eckhart Tolle and read his book, “A New Earth.” Again, I felt like it had a profound impact, but then I spent the rest of that entire year completely unfocused on spirituality and meditation.

It wasn’t until the summer of 2023 when I was visiting Virginia and both my mom and one of my old best-friends from school days asked me about God. They both instigated separate conversations with me about spirituality, and I remember being dumb-struck. I hadn’t thought much about energy or spirituality in the past year. True, the past year and a half was the exact same time frame that my husband and I were purchasing our paintball park and powering through this nightmare-of-a-deal scenario, but still. I should always have the energetic field on my mind, and I made a vow that July that it was time to embrace enlightenment and finish the process of awakening that I’d started so long ago.

I started consuming spirituality and science books, beginning with a reread of “A New Earth” and diving into books on biocentrism, biology, how the earth formed, reality as being holographic, the Akashic Records, transforming anger using the heart, even an adventure book related to Christianity! I also spent the entire year of 2024 sober. California sober, I should say, but not one drop of alcohol touched for over 365 days, mainly to prove to myself that I could do it, but also as a way to focus on my spiritual maturity and mental growth. Something inside me was finally ready to take the energetic field seriously, and I started working daily meditations into my routine. Quick ten-minute meditations most days, but just centering myself and touching my inner body every single day made all the difference in the the world.

The summer of 2024 (as I’m writing this I’m realizing summer is very symbolic for me as I seem to have a lot growing moments in the summer time) I signed up for my first ever in person spiritual conference: The Conference for Consciousness and Human Evolution (TCCHE). This conference just happened this past weekend, May 16-18, 2025 in West Palm Beach, Florida and was my first in person connection to an entire community of like-minded, energetically aligned, beautiful, soulful human beings who are the living embodiment of pure love and divinity. This conference, I say with confidence, affirmed the trajectory of my life. Where I’d been back and forth with spiritual focus, now I am wholly anchored. Where before I’d wavered, now I find resolute clarity.

So many of the speakers and people that I met had fascinating things to say, but the one phrase that Gregg Braden opened his session with took root inside me and refused to let go. He said his goal was to instill the confidence in us to accept the invitation. The invitation to live fully embodied with light, and love and divinity. To live our physical lives knowing that we are divine Beings, that LOVE and living as love is our primary purpose. To embrace these concepts wholeheartedly, ones that I’ve been slowly learning about, even accepting as Truths, but never fully integrating with.

I am finally ready to accept this invitation. I am ready to integrate my spiritual knowledge into my daily physical world.

As much as I wish I could stay living in that conference world, in a community of oneness, and education, and listening to mind-blowing presentations, I know that I must return to my present physical life. I know that I have daily routines, and bills, and a business to run. I have employees to schedule and manage, cats to take care of, a husband to love fiercely.

What I must no longer do is forget that I am living in two worlds. There is the spiritual world, the Field, the energetic layer of consciousness that permeates everything. This divine intelligence is something that I can tap into through my body and let it guide me through the physical realm. The physical world is the second world, the one that I am required to navigate while I am on this dimension of reality. And all those years of struggling came from me simply forgetting to use the spiritual world as a guide through the physical.

Yes, I am living in two worlds, but the successful integration of those two worlds is how I can move forward. Finally, I am ready to embrace reality as it truly is. I am ready to turn the cheek, to be humble and useful, to love deeply, to share my truth boldly, to live fearlessly and authentically, embodying love and allowing divine intelligence to flow through every single action that I perform.

Yes, I would say that finally, I am fully awakened.

And I have never felt more alive. More at peace. More blissful.

As a side note, it’s now been over a year since I’ve had even a single stray thought about wanting to die. Perhaps its because I now understand and embrace that dying is just leaving this physical plane. My life will go on, for I am infinite. I am eternal. I am worthy.

And even though it may actually be easier on the other side, in the dimension of light and love…

I got shit to do in this physical world and there is no way I’m leaving before it’s fulfilled.

For now, I leave you in love and in light, hoping that someday, you too may embrace the Truth, and accept the invitation to live in divinity. You are a luminous Being living in two worlds. I pray you do not forget about the spiritual one for as long as I did.

Until Next Time –

Yours for happy writing,

Lady Jenji