I Am

I am not okay with the world today.

I am okay with life.

To live, laugh and love, to cherish and respect everything around us. It’s always so bittersweet when you’re forced to say goodbye. Especially when the goodbye is happening 3,000 miles across the country and there’s not a thing you can do to bridge the gap.

I should probably explain – my grandmother passed away on Monday.  My heart burns with sadness and my head buzzes in confusion. I can’t drop everything and run to AZ to be there for her service tomorrow morning and see my extended family and say my good byes. I can’t be there for my grandmother, not this time. My workload is too insane. My job is driving me crazy; I could use the break. But I just can’t break away.

I am not okay with the world today and the pressures of having a full time job to earn money to pay for a house and car and food. I am not okay with missing out on my last living grandparent’s final goodbye.

I am okay with living. With creating and connecting with others. A part of me, a real true part of me, wants to drop everything and run into the woods. Run deep and run far, find my clan and live primitive in this world. Live without rules and without boundaries, where my only need is to grow food and grow old.

I fear this place in my mind does not exist. Is there a place we can go where it doesn’t matter when a family member passes? Is there a place where I could drop everything and run to be there?

I am going to create this place. For I am not okay with this world today. But life, oh how I am okay with the beauty of life.

Published by Jenni Johnson

Jenni Johnson, aka Lady Jenji, is a writer, artist, and lover to all. She and her husband live in Palm Bay, Florida. They are quite fond of cats.

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