So, You Made A Mistake?

Far too many people are afraid of making mistakes, and far too many more are consumed by mistakes they have made in the past.

There are people who get offended by the mere mention that they made a mistake, and worse still, are those people who find pleasure in pointing out the mistakes of others.

None of these thought patterns are healthy ways to live, and all humans are capable of being free of them.

Consider how difficult it is when you point out something incorrect that a person did, and they get mad or take it extremely personal. There is nothing wrong with making, nor pointing out, a mistake. Surely, someone who get’s defensive is trapped by their mind, letting their thoughts and ego run them. Until recently, I was exactly like that. However, the mistake can be fixed, if possible, or the outcome from its action accepted. The person pointing it out is not doing anything other than bringing the situation to light.

Most people are too consumed with their thoughts, and identifying with their minds, that they see something they have “done wrong,” as a devaluation of who they are. They cannot bear to see themselves as “wrong,” because their ego so loves to be right. The ego will berate them for ‘being bad,’ and so they argue or justify a situation to soothe their ego. It is a constant mind game being played within; turning people and situations into right and wrong segments and dividing them up in your brain. People will judge a situation and label it as they perceive, though they cannot understand the entire plan being played out.

Why do we suppose the term ‘happy accidents’ is popular? It is because many times things that happen in the moment seem like a mistake, or a problem, but actually are not. Once life has flowed on, it is apparent that the very thing perceived as a mistake was in fact helpful, or necessary. The reality of this term points toward a deeper truth: we should be at peace regardless of what happens. Whether the mistake made turns out to be happy, or not, we can accept that the situation happened and embrace the outcome. We can accept that everything happens as it should and mistakes aren’t truly real. Errors can happen, yes, but calling it a mistake implies that it shouldn’t have happened at all. And everything happens for a reason. People resist their errors (justifying it, for example) because their identity is threatened from it happening. They feel devalued, when they shouldn’t.

Applying this train of thought to, as what most people would call, “trivial mistakes,” seems rather easy. When someone breaks a dish or forgets to take out the trash, is it really all that important in the grand scheme of things? No, and your mind will justify and accept that easily. It is when deeper accidents or errors happen that one will find it much harder to accept the mistake and embrace the outcome. A car accident killing someone you love, for example, is not so easily accepted.

That is why we cannot rely on our minds to find the true peace that comes from the joy of being. Once you understand that who you are is eternal, is separate from your mind, from that voice inside your head, you can learn to observe it and not take it so seriously. You can let a situation play out, and the thoughts that come, without believing that your value is tied together with the outcome, and therefore without letting your mind resist the situation or get defensive about it. Once you truly understand that this form, that this body and what you perceive as “your life,” and the lives of others, is not actually real, then you can find peace in even the most grievous situations. You may not always be happy, but you can always find peace.

Arguing or justifying why a mistake was made, is likely not done from a place of presence and acceptance. And unless further explanation is needed for the remedy, it is not necessary. If someone points out an error you have made, accept it and fix it if you can. If you cannot fix it, you must embrace the outcome and its consequence. You must take conscious action to ensure you do not make that error again, if that is what the situation requires. It is not re-living the experience that happened, and torturing yourself over and over again thinking that you are ‘awful’ or ‘bad’ because you made this mistake. Embrace that this is what is, and move forward.

Even if you made a mistake that you, or maybe society, perceive as horrific, you cannot identify with that action or situation as defining to who you are, and your value. Most people cannot understand this, cannot separate their own worth from the physical reality of the life situation flowing around them. This is why they hate having mistakes pointed out to them, because they feel that a mistake means they are worth a little bit less. They should have been smarter. Faster. Better. They should have done it differently to avoid the mistake. But, this is also why people have a hard time forgiving other people: because they cannot separate the action and the mistake from the value of that person. They judge others and see them as incapable or stupid because that is how they would see themselves if they made the same error.

We all have the same value, and are connected on a deeper level of oneness that flows through all things. That presence is within you, and me. One way that you can start acknowledging that truth, and even testing it, is to pay attention to how you handle making mistakes. Start asking yourself why you are reacting negatively toward it, if you do.

Mistakes do not define the value of what we all are. And mistakes are not “the end of the world.” None of them, not even ones that you perceive that way in the moment they happen. They are part of the pattern of life. Every human being is tapped into this flow, attracting situations and experiences that they are feeling and identified with, whether they realize it or not. And all of us are doing the best we can with each situation that is thrown at us. Our level of awareness will determine how we respond to and navigate through these experiences.

Understand this, and you can stop feeling attacked when a mistake, question, or problem is brought to your attention. If you made an error, no big deal. Take the best conscious action that you can. If someone else made an error, no big deal. Do nothing more than point out what needs to be corrected. Do not think they are a bad person for their mistake, or if you do, acknowledge that is your ego that believes that. It is not you, and it is not true. Take a moment to put a bit of space between you and that thought, and for a moment, you will feel the spiritual dimension a bit clearer.

If you find you are having trouble accepting your mistakes, and spend time dwelling on them, practice doing this in the moment: when someone points out a mistake you made, whether a spelling error, or you sent the wrong file, etc., do not say anything. Take a few quick seconds to breathe and focus completely on your inner body. Then, simply take action to remedy the situation, speaking and asking questions as needed if you require guidance on the appropriate steps. Do not try to explain, (“oh the files were similarly named,” “auto-correct sure isn’t what it used to be”). Let the image you have of yourself and your need to be seen as right or capable falter. When you let that person who brought the mistake to your attention not be given an excuse or justification, you are letting an image that you “are bad” and “make mistakes” sit with them. Let it. Now think back to your inner body and yourself. Breathe for a few moments and feel within. Are you worth any less than before that mistake was pointed out? Would explaining yourself have served any true purpose other than to soothe the ego, to make sure the other person knows you are in fact capable, despite the error?

The ego does not want to be seen as incapable or wrong. It has this constant need to see things as right and wrong, and ultimately it wants to be associated with things that are right. That separation, that divisive need to label situations and experiences as good and bad, is done from an unconscious level. And as most people operate from a level of unconsciousness, they cannot separate themselves from the errors that they, or other humans, make. It is also what makes them afraid of doing things that they perceive as having the potential to “turn out bad.” They are afraid of landing in an undesirable situation, afraid of making mistakes, and therefore never take any movement at all. Taking conscious action and listening to what feels right, even if the unknown lingers, will always take you places you are meant to go. You cannot worry about good or bad results.

Tapping into the flow of life and taking conscious action requires you to remove those labels from your mentality. There is no good or bad, no right or wrong. There is suffering and poor action that will lead to suffering, physically, mentally, and emotionally. There are happy and sad situations that will arise. Errors can be made, by anyone, at anytime. But they are ultimately all connected and meant to be, even if you do not and cannot understand it. Even if you don’t want to understand it, or it feels unfair, or it hurts. Life is unfolding as it may, and you will live in presence once you tap into this and meet each moment with nonresistance, non-judgment, and full acceptance.

You will not be afraid of mistakes, because you know all is as it should be, that an error does not devalue you by any means. All you can take is the next best action available. People would be wise to think about making mistakes in these terms, and not hold such faults against others. We must stop equating our worth with being right, and accept that mistakes will happen. We must stop letting the fear of an adverse outcome prevent us from following our dreams or taking risks.

We must not let mistakes define us, because surely they do not. We must not play mental movies in our minds, re-living experiences we perceive as mistakes and feeling guilty for them. You must embrace the situation, live with the consequence, take any necessary action, and let it go. Even if others do not, you cannot be concerned with the thoughts of others. It can be hard enough living with your own!

Do not be afraid of making a mistake, for they are not real. They can have consequences, for sure, but everything you do is meant to be in one way or another. Do the best you can with the situation you are given, and know that everyone else is doing the same. We all do the best we can, based on our level of awareness, and we cannot expect anything more.

So, you made a mistake? Breathe, take conscious action, and let it go.

Until next time –

Yours for happy writing,

Lady Jenji