I have a theory about romantic partners that goes something like this…
If you wouldn’t argue that your partner is better than all the other partners out there, you haven’t found the right person yet.
Quick sidebar: I’m not saying you live in the delusion that your partner is flawless or the best person in the entire world, or that they are, for some reason, actually better than anyone else, in any manner.
I’m saying that, in your eyes, your partner blows all other partners away because of how magnificent and unbelievable your relationship with them is. Because of the way they understand you, and you them. Because of the way they make you feel, the way they love and appreciate you. Because of whatever it is, if you’re lucky enough to have experienced it, you know what I’m saying. And if you know, I bet you’re grinning.
As we are all extremely unique individuals with unique needs, wants, and goals, finding that perfect person who meshes with our vision and life is exactly the purpose of finding a romantic partner. Not a love to complete you, but to compliment you. To enhance your world. And while having a romantic partner is not necessary for a successful and fulfilling life, I do believe we need love to help us grow and become better people. Ultimately, that is where I see our romantic partners playing roles. They help us see things about ourselves that maybe we never saw before, both positives and negatives. It’s being with them that feels the best, not necessarily that they, or even you, are the best people ever.
Saying there’s a “best person” anywhere in this world is an illusion. No one can ever be the best because it doesn’t actually exist. You can say there are talented, well known and well loved people. There are famous beyond famous superstars. There are intelligent, life-saving people. There are people doing legend-worthy deeds whose names you’ll never know. There are so many unique types of people that are fantastic and amazing, and arguably the “best” in their own way. Even someone who feels small and like they have no measurable talent or skill could arguably be the “best.” We are all the best for someone, and even many people all at once. To try and encapsulate that one person could be the ultimate best, at everything, at life, is laughable, to the point of hysterical.
No one is the best at or even good at everything. There are tons of talented and crazy amazing, fantastical humans out there. For the love of all things good, please find yourself a tribe of incredible people to bond with, because tons of them exist.
There are also totally sleazy, criminal people out there. Frankly, there are people in this world who do not care about others and who are not great to be around. I’m a big believer in people and that we all have the potential to be great and fantastical, to be someone’s “best,” but we have to make that choice, that conscious decision to be the best version of ourselves and get there.
And when you choose to be your best self, you will attract other people who also want to be their best selves. You’ll attract people who actively want that and somehow, you’ll find the best person for you, possibly without even meaning to.
That’s where my theory comes in. See, if you are partnered with someone who is honestly the perfect fit for you, you’ll forever feel like your partner is the greatest in the world. No one could compare. And thats because it is true in that, they ARE the greatest in the world – for you!
This isn’t to necessarily say that only one person will fill this role either. Sometimes people have more than one partner, and each partner should feel like a perfect fit for their lifestyle and wants. It should all click, and feel the best, for you, regardless of the number of partners you have. Some people may lose the love of their life to tragedy, and end up falling for someone new, learning the unique way the new partner now fits into that role. The caveat is this: that finding the right person, the best person, will come at the right time in your life, when its meant for you. Maybe it’ll be rare and you’ll have one person for the rest of your life (this life anyway). Or maybe you’ll go through several people. Maybe you’ll have several all at once.
But do you want to know what my tell is?
When you’d die on the hill that your partner is better than anyone else’s. And I mean when you honestly, truly feel that way.
You can lie and pretend and put on a front that your partner is the best. But if you don’t actually believe this, the only person you are hurting is yourself – and probably your partner too.
Some people stay in relationships that aren’t quite right. Maybe they’re scared of being alone, or feel like it’s comfortable enough, so they pretend it’s great for the outside world. Maybe it’s because they’re jealous and want what other people have, but aren’t willing to take the risk to get it, so they pretend they have it already instead. Or maybe they just don’t know what’s out there and have settled for mediocrity, feeling like this is as good as it gets. Trust me – it’s not!
Wanna know a secret? Most people aren’t actually all that invested in your personal life, and how you truly feel about your partner. Yes, your family and friends are, especially your close ones, but those will also be the people least likely fooled if you put on an act, for whatever reason.
The act is meant for the masses, and in this day and age, for social media, because getting recognition and likes on social media now equates to us feeling good. So you put on this front to the world, how happy and perfect and content you are in your relationship.
And let’s say I’m an acquaintance and see that kind of post from you. Do you know what I’ll say? Good! I’m so happy for you. I’ll like it. I’ll love it. I’m genuinely happy because I think that you’re happy and you’ve found the one. I love it, then move on. Because we aren’t the closest of friends, I’m not dwelling on your life and your choices, as most people on the internet are not.
At the end of the day, its you who’s in that relationship. And its ultimately you that must face whether you’re actually happy. Do you truly feel that your partner is the best? Do they make you feel that way?
If your answer is no, I strongly advise you take a step back and re-evaluate. Your partner. Your life together. Your goals.
I’d die on the hill that my husband is the best of the best when it comes to partners. He’s everything I need.
But I’d hope that you feel the same way about your husband, wife, spouse, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever. I pray that you do. Because that’s when you know you’ve gotten it right.
Now, this can be tricky to navigate, especially early on in a relationship. Please don’t necessarily apply this in the early stages, as every relationship is so different and some need time to mature or settle in to show you that yes its right or no its off. And the early stage could vary from days to weeks, or even months. Just, ultimately, at one point, you should wake up and realize that this is the best thing you’ve ever had. You should recognize that your partner is the best. And truly feel that way, even if no one else believes its true.
Honestly, who cares what someone else believes about your relationship?
You and your partner are the only ones who can truly know what you’re feeling, and what your relationship is like behind closed doors. Let people speculate. Where most of us aren’t actually all that invested in other people’s love lives, there will always be those ones that are overly-invested in other people and their lives, likely looking to stir up drama.
Ignore those people and all of that, and look at your relationship, look at your partner.
Do you feel valued? Heard and seen? Do you have needs met? Does it feel effortless most of the time? Do you get through fights rationally and with compromise? Do you feel like the luckiest human alive? Is it too good to be true at times? Does your partner just get you?
Can you be yourself, no issues, no insults, no questions?
If you answered yes, screaming yes, D. all of the above, then you my friend, have found a keeper. One to hold onto.
I’m not saying that they’re perfect. God no. Far from it. And the relationship may not be perfect either. You certainly aren’t. I certainly am not.
But in spite of this, it is this relationship, this partnership, that is perfect for you. It fits, like nothing has ever fit before. And where it takes work, it doesn’t suck your soul or drain you down to nothing. It’s the strangest kind of magic to find a partner that was built for you.
You’ll know. You’ll feel it.
But in case you’re having trouble, just ask yourself my theory. Use my tell.
Is your partner better than all the others? Would you even think that someone else out there may be a better fit?
I believe in you, and that you know what you feel, especially if you’ve been in this relationship for a while. I can appreciate giving anything a fair chance, and time to work itself out. Trust me, I know that better than anyone. But if you’ve been doing this dance for a while, take this question and consider it wholly.
If you want a romantic partner, and a good healthy relationship, I promise you can find the best one for you. Simply be honest. And be willing to let go and hold out for the right person. Find the perfect partner, or partners, and live your fairy tale ending. I know so many people who are, right now, living their fairy tales. And while its not all frosting and champagne and glitter, my goodness is it the most warm and comforting place that you will ever find.
You deserve it. We all do. And anyone who wants it can find it; I believe that’s true.
As Always –
Yours For Happy Writing,