The Emotionless Robot

I was called an emotionless robot during a recent argument, and it got me thinking.

One, for anyone who knows me well, they know I am far from emotionless. In fact, there are several triggers I have that still elevate my emotional state. I experienced one last week from a computer program not working correctly and being unable to find the setting to fix said issue. It got me flustered and frustrated, which only flusters me more because I know how silly and pointless it is to be upset over the material world. That’s a spiral I’m still working around.

But for two, just because I manage to keep a calm, collective coolness despite the hammer being dropped, that does not mean I have no emotions. It simply means I am not having an excessive reaction to my emotions. Maintaining composure in the midst of chaos is a sign of discipline and acceptance, two concepts I learned to embrace last year in 2024.

Emotions are part of the human complexity. They are normal and natural to feel. There are positive and negative emotions, ones that sway us towards peace and contentment and others that spiral us into anger and fear. Regardless of the emotion, it is important to feel them fully and embrace them.

Feeling an emotion does not mean getting loud about it, or even visibly reacting in many cases. Feeling is an internal agreement you have within your energetic system. It is an awareness of the emotional state and why it is cropping up. It is surrendering to the moment, and the emotion, and figuring out the best path forward through whatever scenario is present alongside this emotion. The understanding of why certain emotions crop up will in fact help lessen them from happening again, particularly with negative ones, like frustration and anger.

That is not to say its easy to maintain calmness during strong emotional responses. Emotions can absolutely hi-jack us! They take over our minds and thoughts, spinning our words and actions out of proportion, and making situations more difficult than they need to be. Think about what it feels like the next time your emotional state is elevated (in the moment this can be hard to remember and focus on, but try anyway). Touch base with your inner body. Is it buzzing or shaking? Do you feel warm? Are you numb? Making that connection to your body and putting a focus on what feels different from your regular emotional state is one way to create space. You are looking at the emotional reaction from an observer’s standpoint, even if only for a flash moment, instead of being consumed completely. Creating that little bit of space will help you create more space from the emotional response in the future. It is an ongoing process that you improve at each time the emotion comes around – don’t expect to master it on your first, second, or even tenth try!

When we are consumed by our emotions, we usually react poorly. We might yell or scream or say mean things. We might betray trust or instigate destructive situations. When we do these things, we are letting the emotion takeover our body and mind, and its usually as a method of survival. Our emotional body hates feeling unstable and it will go to extremes to defend itself if feeling threatened. The goal is to mitigate poor actions and words, to feel the emotion, but not overreact negatively to them.

When we can take a step back from the emotion and view it like an observer – where we recognize the elevated state and flow with it not against it – we’ll find it much easier to navigate through the complicated feelings. We recognize that an emotional state is rising and create space so as not to let that emotion overtake our thoughts and actions. This can be as easy as counting to five to reset your energies or taking a couple deep breaths. However, taking space from more intense emotions may include other techniques, like longer breathing exercises, body work, and removing yourself from the situation altogether.

Once you’ve handled the emotion to the best of your ability, you should next dive into what made you feel that way in the first place. And I don’t mean by putting the blame on someone else (“if he wouldn’t have said that, I never would have gotten mad”). I mean by looking internally at what’s connected to the situation about yourself. The world is only a mirror for how we are within, and how we see ourselves within. If you believe you are beautiful and loved, then you will find beauty and love in the world around. If you feel yourself to be ugly and unworthy, you will continue to be put in situations that amplify those thoughts. I promise that’s how it works.

If someone says something that ‘makes you mad,’ the blame is not on what the other person said, but rather your perception of it. You are the only person who can offend yourself! That’s a deep truth that is difficult for a lot of people to accept because blame shifting and a lack of responsibility are so rampant in today’s society. And while yes, we should hold people accountable for the mean things they say, it’s also not our job to police what comes out of everyone else’s mouth. Why do you let it bother you? Investigate the why it bothers you and turn that focus back to yourself – that’s where you’ll find growth.

For example, if someone says, “you are fat,” and you get upset about it, it’s not because the person said it out loud (no matter how rude that comment is). You are upset because you likely think yourself fat too, and hate it, or you are obsessed with how other people see you and if someone else thinks you’re fat then you believe its true and get mad or sad. The incorrect way to react to this kind of comment includes yelling back, name calling the other person, falling into a fit of depression or having a pity party. On the flip side, if the same is said and you brush right through the comment, not letting it bother you, that is a sign you have a healthy relationship with your body and energetic self. You may be fat and it doesn’t matter. You know your body is healthy and the comment has no bearing on your self-worth. Or, maybe you’re already working on trimming up and this comment doesn’t affect your perception because you’ve accepted where you’re at and are actively bettering yourself. Or you aren’t fat at all, and you know this person is lashing out because they have their own internal issues with body shaming they need to work through. Correct reactions include ignoring the comment, saying something silly like “And?”, or gently asking the person if something is bothering them (usually only good for friends and family, as maybe they are upset and need to talk about something. You’re opening the path to help them, rather than getting defensive and upsetting your own energetics).

The point is, whenever someone says something rude, mean, or uncalled for, it is a them problem. They are likely way more aligned with that comment than the person they are directing it at. And if you are the receiver, and you do feel like the comment aligns with you, that is a pathway to open up and explore why the comment affected your emotions and what adjustments you need to make in your life to stop it from happening in the future. Maybe there is a health change you need to make. Or maybe you have a low self-worth perception that you need to fix. Sometimes, the person who made the rude comment is not someone you need to give anymore time to, and removing yourself from the situation, or even from their life, is a healthy response. As we are not responsible for other people’s words and actions, we are responsible for who we spend time with, and choosing to spend time with people who’s morals and habits and level of awareness align with ours will equal better relationships and life experiences.

The emotions that we feel come from within. They spill out of our perceptions and relationship with ourselves even when it seems like they are coming from someone else. Warning: it can be extremely difficult to separate those emotions from the words or actions that your thoughts believe they came from. If someone steals your car, it could feel impossible to not be angry and shift the blame onto the thief (“If he hadn’t stolen my car, I wouldn’t be mad!”). The truth is, material things we have attachments to only open the door for suffering. Negative events and emotions that come to us may actually be opening us up for a lesson or improvement and can become positive experiences in the long run. If someone steals your car, take a deep breath. Let the anger flow through your energetics. This is a huge inconvenience and a challenge that you now have to face, but you can get through it. It is not the end of the world, no matter how much it may seem that way in the moment. The thief clearly has their own issues to work through, and the universe is going to take care of people who trust in it, so trust the process and simply do the next right thing.

Once you start looking at the physical plane and material world from this perspective, it starts getting easier to manage your emotional states. Emotions are part of our human experience, and they are not going to stop coming.

You have a choice.

You can either let your emotions takeover and run your life, or you can accept them and the situation for what it is and maintain your inner peace despite whatever chaos is unfolding around you.

I’m not saying its easy. Like I said, I’m still working on this, and I probably will be up until the day this life form I’m inhabiting dies. Then, I’ll get to start all over as someone new.

In this case, I guess I am happy to be seen as an emotionless robot. It means all my hard work is paying off. And of course, I know the truth about myself. I know I have emotions and that the perception others have of me doesn’t matter at all.

Until next time –

Yours for happy writing,

Lady Jenji